so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
