when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
