dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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