she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
