Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
