Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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