If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize