I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
