If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
