So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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