Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize