she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize