i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
