I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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