i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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