I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
