Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Randomize
