one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
