Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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