I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize