I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
