We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I need to align my fucking chakras
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
