Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
