i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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