Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Farmville is her only friend.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
