At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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