Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
