Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
