i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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