I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
