i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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