sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
