I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
