I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
