GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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