WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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