Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Randomize
