He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
