How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
