Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Will exercising make me less horny?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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