Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
