the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize