Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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