how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
