I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
i out mim tonsoeep
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