apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I wear drunk well.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
