you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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