ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
