well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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