she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
