I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
