Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
