i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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