OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Pants are for mortals
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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