you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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