I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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