True but thats because hes a fetus.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
