Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
True but thats because hes a fetus.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
