drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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