am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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