Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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