all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
