based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
