i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize