benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
