my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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