It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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