He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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