I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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