I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
