This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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