he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
