I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
